Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
