battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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