you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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