I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
