I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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