dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
