a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
