don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
