apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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