the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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