Can Purell be used as lube?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
