Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
