so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
