I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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