My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't put those talents on a resume
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
