what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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