i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
