Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
