I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
