I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
