Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
