The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
