Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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