I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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