you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
