ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
