Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
