oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
