My underwear smells like fireworks.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
