There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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