just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
