I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
