glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My feet surprised me
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