I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
But we have bathrooms and they dont
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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