i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
