Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
