dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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