My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
