I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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