what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wish my penis had a tongue
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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