i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
