Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
