I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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