There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
