Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
