All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
