gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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