i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
