remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
