Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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