So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
